Continental Sex Tips

Following a cultural trip to Amsterdam, Chef John pictured here, demonstrates the new position.

Mikey was too agitated to comment

Hypno-Wizard Spook Therapy

Absent Landlord Des has been subjected to the famous

stop smoking hypno-wizard styly spook therapy TM

"It's been a great success" says Des

and went on with the mad claim "Three hours later, and still no cigarette."

The New Des.
Pictured here (left) with the lovely Kate.

A happy Kate added

"It's the same old Des, but a far less stinky version"

Supportive locals.

"Eh? Puff smoke is what we do. He's lost it. Next you'll hear is that he'll be off to... Wilmington!"

The First Valley Miracle

As reported recently, Barney was the only student at Lumberjack High without a hat.
Well good fortune has come his way......

A delighted Barney claims it to be the first valley miracle

"After racing through through the valley one night I found it

mysteriously hanging from my front bumper!"

Tis The Season to be Jolly

Mr Mikey is Married

MANY CONGRATULATIONS TO MR AND MRS MIKEY

Second chef Mr 'Drummer-Boy' Mikey has finally tied the knot. After an engagement of several hours Mr Mikey, 14, has married the girl of his dreams Mrs Mikey, 13.

Mr Mikey pictured above giving a loving Chinese Burn to Mrs Mikey.

Nobby Gets Help

Hairy Backed Nobby has found salvation in the guise of the village Lovey Rachel.

'The sight of that Hairy Ape has brought shame on the village for years and it's time someone stepped in bring his reign of terror to an end.'

With this in mind Lovey has launched the first village

WAX BACK AND CRACK service.

By Appointment Only.

Andy of the Plough and Harrow: 'Don't ask me, I'm never here'

Sarah-Jane Don't Go! Oh, Sarah Jane Don't Go!

Village Funster Sarah 'Jolly' Jane

is to quit

The Moon Sown Seeds and Strange Music Shop.

'Ironing, ironing and more ironing' is her happy mantra that will be missed by all.

When asked of her future plans she simply mumbled 'Ironing, ironing and more ironing', though we all suspect something was left unsaid.

Ex Busines Partner Nicky (pictured here with close friend Peaches) was heard to say:

'She'll be missed, Yeah B*ll*cks! Never ironed a Bl**dy Thing around here! Bl**dy B*ll*cks. Yeah Bl**dy B*ll*cks!! B*ll*cks!!'.

Nicky had tears in his eyes.

The Star Launches Tranny Service

Following the wild success of their '10 Minute Oil Change', The Star Inn and Asylum, in a desperate bid to compete with the Plough and Harrow have launched 'The Tranny Service'.
Pictured here Star Manager, Ms Peaches Foundation, said 'Local Cross Dressing originated here. We have a cross dressing heritage dating back to Waterloo where we played a vital role in supressing the trend for French Crimping'.



Local historian, Flinty Pete, confirmed that 'there are no records of French Crimping in the area'.